the boob martyr

My "friend" D is one of those passive, polite, pretending they're not so opinionated people. Do you know those? The ones who most definitely have an opinion and judge everyone who's opinion is not the same, but don't come out and say it?
Wait- that might be me too.

Well, this isn't about me. This is about D. She is always like that... talking about something and laughing it off or making a point of saying "not that it matters," or "every mom/baby/person is different" in a tone that is so not accepting and understanding, but rather snarky.

One of her strongest opinions (which is pretended to not be a strong opinion) is breast feeding. And actually, I don't get the feeling that she even judges in the way that she's thinking everyone should breastfeed they're babies... more in the way of it's okay that you don't because that just makes me better than you. Which drives me ca-razy!!

I don't think she knows I didn't nurse my babies. She talks like she just assumes I did; because she likes me and respects me and in lots of ways I think (and I'm not trying to be conceited here) she looks up to me a lot as an older and wiser mother. I chuckle to myself often thinking about what she would think about the fact that my kids never tasted a drop of breastmilk. Formula fed from hour one. Not that I'm hiding it from her, it's just never come up. But she has made all the stereotypical comments about how smart my kids are, how healthy they are, how they have such great immune systems and I more than get the feeling she's automatically attributing that, as she does those traits in her own kids, to breastmilk.
And I just want to knock her upside the head.
I don't want to argue with her or try to prove her wrong, I just want to knock her upside the head for being so ignorant.
Anyway.

The biggest thing that drives me nuts is how she makes herself into this martyr all the time for being a nursing mother. You know; the fact that she's the one who has to get up with the kids at night, the fact that she can't leave her baby for more than a few hours because the baby just won't take a bottle (which you can so tell D totally loves), complaining about how she had to do every feeding because neither of her girls would ever take a bottle ever (again, totally obviously taking huge pride in that while pretending to complain), etc, etc. She never fails to mention that she and her husband have never had a weekend away in the past three years because she's been either pregnant or nursing.
She had the opportunity this past spring, when her youngest had just turned one, to accompany her husband on a work trip and really wanted to go. Without the kids. But couldn't because baby B's still nursing. I heard at least once a week about how much she wanted to go and how it was just bad timing, maybe next year, so on and so forth. All the while I bit my tongue with all the things I wanted to mention; um, you can pump... baby B is eating three meals a day of table food and drinking out of a cup, I think she can survive if you're not there to breastfeed her for three days, a kid is not going to starve if your boob is not there! They will eventually take a bottle if they have to. She's a year old for goodness sake, it's not the end of the world if she weans now.
I don't say any of that anymore because when I have made suggestions or pointed out options, her reply is simply, "yeah, well... it's just easier this way" and a change of subject.
It drives me nuts because all her complaints or martyred sighs over that's just the way life is right now, and poor me I'm so tied down are all completely illegitimate. If she really wanted space from her kids or time away, she could easily make that happen. Your baby, whether you breastfeed or not, does not dictate your life. Yes, there are restrictions and sacrifices, and moreso if you're nursing, but you do not have to be completely tied down at all times. You are not a martyr.

I recently started babysitting an infant full-time during the week. D was asking something about how his schedule was going, how he was sleeping, eating, etc. He was still pretty little, just 10 wks old. Somewhere in her inquiries she threw out the comment, "So I assume he's on formula?"
This was said in a completely condescending tone... and it made me so mad. She completely judged and assumed and it was all in this so not only is this mom leaving her baby to go back to work full-time, but she's also feeding him crap, attitude.
I looked her straight in the eye and said, rather snarkily myself, "No, actually she pumps, and he's on breastmilk exclusively. Why do you ask?"
She didn't really know what to say. I think she was honestly shocked. Which I can't comprehend... does she not know there are nursing working mothers all over the place?? I just couldn't believe the naivety of her assuming that just because a mom makes the choice (or in this case has to) to work full-time, that she couldn't still nurse her baby full-time. Since when does being a working mom=not caring about breastfeeding? Just because they don't sit at home all day with a sole purpose of being a martyr for their kids... moms can NOT be attached to their children 24 hours a day and still make the choices they want to make about feeding.

And who the hell cares??!?!??!!!!!!
GAH!